Write Back to the Beginning

Disney music really says it all doesn't it? And you don't realize the significance of it at the age, but as you grow, it all makes sense. Tonight I'm thinking specifically of The Circle of Life. Finals weeks have been very kind to me so far into my college experience. The only final I've had during finals week (before this semester) I didn't have to take because the lowest test score would be dropped in the end and I did well on all the other tests. But this semester has been very different. Luckily, I'm almost done. I've bit the bullet so far, yet the worst has been saved for last. Math. My last final, and it's not till next Wednesday. So while everyone is celebrating the end of their school year, I'm still worrying about my least favorite subject in the world.

But if there is one thing I've learned this semester, it's that time moves on no matter what you think of it. Whether you are looking forward to a day, or dreading one, they will continue to come at the same pace, and when it's over, it's over. You can't relive that specific day or moment if you want to or not. Time pushes us forward; through the hardest times, and through the happiest days we all move at the same pace.

Still, isn't it maddening and strangely calming, that no matter how far forward we go, we always return to the beginning? Whether it's physically, or symbolically, we move forward and yet go through the same places we've been through many times before. Like a circle.

In a funny sense, it's like this Seinfeld quote,

 "The thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there...you're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know what's goin' on. Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles, you can't do it...you don't even know why you're doing it. What is this ritual? What is going on? It's also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Sometimes they're not even your friends. They make the judgement. They bring 'em in, they sit 'em down, and they tell you - 'these are your friends! Tell them thank you for coming to my birthday party.'

On the more serious side, we know that as we circle we have to come upon those least favorite of times again. We'll have to face heartache and loneliness, we have to face anger and disappointment again and again and again. Kinda like finals week, eh? 

I know that as long as I'm enrolled in school, I'll have that time of year come around where I won't feel like I'm enough. That there is so much to do and I'm stretched so thin that everything I do won't be adequate. It's on the circle. 

But the nice thing about circles, is that you know in a sense what to expect. You've been there before. And if what you did last time didn't work, you can try something else. It's like having all the answers to a test, because you've practiced those questions so many times.

It's the Circle of Life, and it moves us all through despair and hope, through faith and love. Till we find our place on the path unwinding in the circle, the Circle of Life.

So as a side note/closer, I'm circling around now and restarting this blog. I left a couple of old posts, but I'm hoping this will be a little way I can stay in touch with family and friends this summer.

Jamie